Jack
对
我在美国做妈妈
的书评
发表时间:2012-03-14 23:03:24
虎妈写这本书显然过于炫耀了,让我想起每个人抓到一副好牌,都会洋洋自得,07年人人都觉得自己是股神。。。没错,幸存者偏见。
成长是一个非常复杂的过程,父母不仅仅是观察者也是参与者,观察者发现成绩的时候总急于归功于自己的参与,而发现失败的时候总要归功于客观环境或者其他人。。。。
就我有限的认知而言,成长和学习真正的动力来自于自身而不是外界,不论是多大年纪。环境只能起到一个诱导的作用(所谓的nudge,轻轻的推一下 ),而不能直接干涉。记得有个什么电影,地狱什么的,里面天使和魔鬼也是这样子,只能诱导凡人去做什么,但你不能直接让他去做,因为你不是他,他有自己的想法。
我有个好朋友小时候对乒乓球产生了兴趣,他父母觉得这是一个天赐良机,就给他找了乒乓球教练天天教他打球,但他很厌恶一直很抗拒,后来把球拍扔了,再也不打球了。
虎妈忘记了自己陪着两个女儿练琴的那么多无聊的下午,如果她不是个大学教员,她能有这么多时间么?这么多时间干什么了呢?陪孩子练琴,孩子长大了,除了偶尔在客人面前炫耀一下,再也没有摸琴的兴趣。对于虎妈来说,那些下午,一文不值。
简单的结论不仅仅流于表面,还能显示出作者的粗鄙心态。虎妈是一个耶鲁的小教员,她能知道的是,女儿要嫁的好,最好是名校毕业+会弹钢琴,把这点小心思小经验藏起来,留给自己的闺女,无可非议,拿出来吹牛逼就有些现眼了。好吧,万一你俩闺女以后不牛逼咋办呢?
我认识一个朋友,她刚刚拿到伯克利的offer的时候,她妈妈,一个台湾的议员喜出望外,还专门给她出了本书,神童神马的。她也觉得自己很牛逼,后来去麦肯锡高盛UBS,似乎很牛逼的样子,现在呢?让人包养了。。。。
我儿子4岁,我没想过让他学任何东西,我的羽毛球教练问我要不要让我儿子学习羽毛球,我就很鄙视的看了他一眼,这种小球有什么好学的啊?
前一阵我老婆说得让儿子学英语,我就问为啥?因为升小学要考英语。。。汗。。。好吧,我就开始教儿子英语,他也不乐意学,我就买了个游戏机给他玩,好玩吧?那得,学两句英语玩半个小时,小家伙很积极,每天都学两句,还全部能记住,我就开始担心了,今年学完了,明年学啥啊?
只能把游戏机砸了。
超级同意 今天在amazon上看到个说的很有道理的评论 转过来
A mother with serious personality flaws
I give the book three stars because it seems to me an honest account of the author's family life. It's even funny at times, when I'm not aching for her daughters. I listened to the audio book read by Ms Chua herself and she reads well. She's certainly very talented. Otherwise I'd rate the book one star.
Ms Chua claims herself a representative of Chinese mothers. I'm a native Chinese and came to this country with an advanced degree earned in China -- I'm no stranger to educating children the Chinese way. Yet I don't treat my children as she does and I know that most of the Chinese in the US (and in China, for that matter) don't "educate" their children in that extreme fashion. From reading the book I believe that her philosophies and behaviors are largely due to her seriously flawed personality. I list some revealing examples below. Since I don't have the paper copy handy, my quotes are not accurate to every word.
* When she learned that her dog was not among the most intelligent breeds, she felt "nauseated". To her, everyone, everything is a tool for competition.
* She bitterly criticizes the American "shopping mall" materialism. Yet she herself is a huge spender. To celebrate her daughter's Carnegie Hall debut, she threw a party that cost the family's winter AND summer vacations. How she spends her money is her own business. But condemning others for going to the mall? That sounds hypocritical to me.
* She has a strong sense of superiority that shows here and there throughout the book. She says some white men have "yellow fever". They would date any Asian woman, "no matter how ugly she is and what part of Asia she is from". That's deeply racist and offending.
* When I started reading the book, I puzzled over her statement "This is a story about a mother, two daughters, and two dogs." Where is her husband? It turns out he is the rock, the sane parent in the family. Then I find it extremely arrogant for Ms Chua to omit her husband's essential role in the story. Why mention only the daughters and the dogs? Because they can be controlled and bent by Ms Chua's will of steel?
Overall, I feel Ms Chua's story has less to do with being Chinese and more with her extreme, distorted world view.
2012-03-14 23:58:08 小豆豆 对于虎妈来说,那些下午,一文不值。
____________________________________
更重要的是,那些下午对两个女孩又有什么意义?
一文不值,至少是这个母亲自己选择的,就算再不值也得自己承担后果。孩子的悲剧在于被选择,被不值,甚至本身也是妈妈选择的一部分——应该说,她们本来就是母亲用来炫耀的工具,否则也不会有如此遭遇。
……………………………………………………………………
对于虎妈来说,孩子将来成功-----学历好、弹钢琴、嫁金龟婿,这就是好的生活了。对于虎妈来说,孩子将来有好的生活,她就开心啊。你说她虚荣,作为父母的,难道孩子以后很顺利、生活无忧,她虚荣一下都不可以吗?
杰克是爸爸,可能家里妈妈也是事业型的,不了解社会上很多女性,当她们诞下孩子,把主要的人生时间和精力都安排在孩子的照顾、教育方面,她们觉得很值得的,这就是她们的人生选择,如果孩子有了成绩,她们就觉得这是自己的成就了。
有人说,你孩子厉害,和你有什么关系?你能享受到什么?沾沾自喜个什么劲?
的确是的。虎妈不知道,但是大多数父母,孩子以后厉害了,更加没时间回家看望他们,一年到头见不到面,但是做父母的担心和牵挂一点都没有比孩子在身边的时候少过,就算有的孩子能够回馈父母一些礼物和金钱,有的数额还很大,但是,大多数父母并不是图物质的回馈的,他自豪满足的是孩子的成就、孩子有孝心。
可能受西式教育,我们很少那样去考虑问题了。但是,我想,那是没有理解父母的心情。