Notes

The “E” refers to earnestness. The value of keeping promises,


Charisma is good for you: it makes for success in all areas of your life.


The charisma myth: it's not inherited but a set of behaviors which anyone can learn.


if you're genuinely happy, your smile reflects it: the outer corners of the mouth rise, and the inner corners of the eyebrows descend. But if you're not genuinely happy, you will smile with your mouth only; your eyes will not express happiness, and your smile will seem fake – a social smile.


creating an internal charismatic state will cause you to behave charismatically.


Charisma is, above all, body language – and this begins in your mind.


Just a five-minute conversation with a stranger is enough to impress them and establish a bond. People will sense your full attention and feel that in this moment they are the most important thing in the world to you.


we need to determine which people might want to help us and have the power to do so.


In fact, the power-warmth combination is a necessary condition of charisma.


There are four distinct charisma styles: Focus charisma lets people know you're fully present – a good example is Bill Clinton. Visionary charisma inspires people or gets them to believe in something, much like Steve Jobs did. Kindness charisma makes others feel seen and accepted – just look at the Dalai Lama. And finally, authority charisma makes others believe you have the power to change their lives, much like Bill Gates does.


There is no “one-size-fits-all” charisma style; you have to find the one that suits you best.


To make a great first impression, you have to make others feel you're similar to them.


The same logic applies to your demeanor


This is because, as economist John Kenneth Galbraith believes, we seek to reaffirm our first impressions rather than revise them.


don't underestimate the handshake – it requires trust, so it's an important step in intimacy.


So, begin that first meeting by complimenting the other person or asking open-ended questions, and stick to positive subjects. When it's time to end the meeting, try again to leave the other person with positive feelings.


Making a great first impression comes from paying attention to others.


People generally don't handle uncertainty well: it makes us tense and stops us from being present – both of which harm our charisma.


Being charismatic means overcoming mental and physical discomfort.


three ways to counteract discomfort: prevent, recognize, and remedy or explain.


remember you're not alone in the experience and that what's happening isn't really serious.


Dedramatize: what's happening isn't serious, and lots of others are going through it.

if we feel bad because someone has reacted negatively to us, we should consider that the reaction might have nothing to do with us – that person could be struggling to manage their own physical or mental discomfort.


Remind yourself that your mind isn't always giving you accurate information about reality.


So the next time you make a mistake, feel negative or experience discomfort, just remember that it's a part of normal daily life. Remind yourself that your mind isn't always giving you accurate information about reality.


Rewriting reality When experiencing anxiety, try using the “rewriting reality” technique.