Never Eat Alone

Section 1 : The Mind Set
Poverty, wasn’t only a lack of financial resources; it was isolation from the kind of people who could help you make more of yourself.
Generosity
Real networking was about finding ways to make other people more successful.
Until you become as willing to ask for help as you are to give it, you are only working half the equation.
Bottom line: It’s better to give before you receive. And never keep score. If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit.
Contribute. Give your time, money, and expertise to your growing community of friends.
Goals
I recognized how something as simple as a clearly defined goal distinguished me from all those who simply floated through school waiting for things to happen.
The most simple version of the plan is separated into three distinct parts: The first part is devoted to the development of the goals that will help you fulfill your mission. The second part is devoted to connecting those goals to the people, places, and things that will help you get the job done. And the third part helps you determine the best way to reach out to the people who will help you to accomplish your goals. This means choosing a medium to connect, but, more important, it means finding a way to lead with generosity.
Connecting with others really just involves having a predetermined plan and carrying it out, whether you want to be a ninth-grade history teacher or start your own business.
Change
Change is hard. You might lose friends, encounter seemingly insurmountable obstacles, and face the most troubling hurdle of all— your own self-doubt.
The most important thing is to get to know these people as friends, not potential customers. Though you’re right about one thing: No matter how friendly you are, if the people you approach are any good at what they do, they won’t hire you right off the bat to do their PR. Which is why you should offer your services for free— at least at first.
Today you are unproven, and breaking in is tough. Eventually, you’ll have a growing circle of people who have seen your work and who believe in you. Those are the kinds of connections you’re looking to create if you’re going to start a business, or if you’re looking to change jobs or careers.
All of these suggestions will help you meet new people. And the law of probability ensures that the more new people you know, the more opportunities will come your way and the more help you’ll get at critical junctures in your career.

勇气
The big hurdles of networking revolve around the cold calls, the meeting of new people, and all the activities that involve engaging the unknown. But the first step has nothing to do with strangers; you should start connecting with the people you do know.
Every time I start to set limits to what I can and can’t do, or fear starts to creep into my thinking, I remember that Big Wheel tricycle. I remind myself how people with a low tolerance for risk, whose behavior is guided by fear, have a low propensity for success. My father taught me that the worst anyone can say is no. If they choose not to give their time or their help, it’s their loss.The choice isn’t between success and failure; it’s between choosing risk and striving for greatness, or risking nothing and being certain of mediocrity.
The best way to deal with this anxiety is to first acknowledge that our fear is perfectly normal. You are not alone. The second thing is to recognize that getting over that fear is critical to your success. The third is to commit to getting better.

Set a goal for yourself of initiating a meeting with one new person a week. It doesn’t matter where or with whom. Introduce yourself to someone on the bus. Slide up next to someone at the bar and say hello. Suggest a coffee with someone you’re connected to online but whom you’ve never actually met. Hang out at the company watercooler and force yourself to talk to a fellow employee you’ve never spoken with. You’ll find that it gets easier and easier with practice.

Section 2: The skill sets
Do your homework
I generally prepare a one-page synopsis on the person I’m about to meet. The only criterion for what should be included is that I want to know what this person is like as a human being, what he or she feels strongly about, and what his or her proudest achievements are. Sure, you should also be up-to-date on what’s happening within the company of a person you want to establish a relationship with.

I never shy away from mentioning the research I’ve done. “I always make a special effort to inquire about the people I’d like to meet.” Inevitably, people are flattered. Wouldn’t you be? Instantly, the other person knows that rather than suffering through a strained half hour with a stranger, they’re able to connect with someone with whom they share an interest, someone who has gone out of his way to get to know them better.

2. Take Names
First, I sat down and established ninety-day, one-year, and three-year goals in my Relationship Action Plan. Each goal required me to connect with and develop different parts of my network. To make these goals possible, I mapped out the most important players in both the online and games industries, from CEOs and journalists to programmers and academics. My goal was to get to know almost all of them within a year.
At the outset, concentrate on the people who are already part of your existing network. I bet you have no idea how vast and widespread it really is.

3. Warming the Cold Call
And when you do finally connect, don’t sabotage your efforts by expressing how annoyed you are that they didn’t get back to you as quickly as you would have liked. Nor should you apologize for your persistence. Just dive in as if you caught him on the first call. Make it comfortable for everyone.

“Hi, Serge. It’s Keith Ferrazzi. John’s talked highly of you for some time, and I’ve finally got a nice excuse to give you a call. I’m calling for my friend Jeff Arnold, the founder of WebMD, who has a new, very powerful way to distribute digital content. With some of the new products you’ll be launching this quarter, it could make for the perfect partnership. I’ll be in New York next week. Let’s get together. Or, if getting together this trip isn’t convenient, I’ll make room in my schedule for whenever it’s more convenient for you.”

Four rules for warm calling: (1) Convey credibility by mentioning a familiar person or institution— in this case, John, Jeff, and WebMD. (2) State your value proposition: Jeff’s new product would help Serge sell his new products. (3) Impart urgency and convenience by being prepared to do whatever it takes whenever it takes to meet the other person on his or her own terms. (4) Be prepared to offer a compromise that secures a definite follow-up at a minimum.

Credibility is the first thing you want to establish in any interaction, and, ultimately, no one will buy from you unless you establish trust. Having a mutual friend or even acquaintance will immediately make you stand out from the other anonymous individuals

Instead of closing with “We should get together sometime soon,” I like to finalize with something like “I’m going to be in town next week. How about lunch on Tuesday? I know this is going to be important for both of us, so I’ll make time no matter what.”

4. Managing the Gatekeeper— Artfully

5. Never Eat Alone
Have you taken a colleague to lunch lately? Why not invite him or her out today— and include a few other people from different parts of your company or business network.

I highly recommend you budget some time and money for conferences, and to visit cities where you can schedule a few days or even just an overnight during which you host a cocktail party or schedule a bunch of meetings.

6. Share Your Passions
1. Fifteen minutes and a cup of coffee. It’s quick, it’s out of the office, and it’s a great way to meet someone new. This proved one of my most popular recommendations from the first edition of this book. I know, because I started getting dozens of requests a week for these meetings. So remember my earlier advice: Make sure you lay out very clearly why those fifteen minutes will be valuable to them.
2. Conferences. If I’m attending a conference in, say, Seattle, I’ll pull out a list of people in the area I know or would like to know better and see if they might like to drop in for a particularly interesting keynote speech or dinner.
3. Invite someone to share a workout or a hobby (golf, chess, stamp collecting, a book club, etc.).
4. A quick early breakfast, lunch, drinks after work, or dinner together. There’s nothing like food to break the ice.
5. Invite someone to a special event. For me, a special event such as an evening at the theater, a book-signing party, or a concert is made even more special if I bring along a few people who I think might particularly enjoy the occasion.
6. Entertaining at home. I view dinner parties at home as sacred. I like to make these events as intimate as possible. To ensure they stay that way, I generally will invite only one or two people I don’t know that well. By dinner’s end, I want those people leaving my home feeling as if they’ve made a whole new set of friends, and that’s hard to do if it’s a dinner filled with strangers.
7. Volunteering. Work with an organization to create a day of service that can involve five to ten volunteers, or pull together a team to join a charity walk. Or, for something more informal, pull a group together to pack lunches and distribute them in an area where you know you’ll find many people in need.

7. Follow Up or Fail

Give yourself between 12 and 24 hours after you meet someone to follow up.If you meet somebody on a plane, send them an e-mail later that day. If you meet somebody over cocktails, send them an e-mail the next morning.For random encounters and chance meetings, e-mail is a fine tool for dropping a quick note to say, “It was a pleasure meeting you. We must keep in touch.” In such an e-mail, I like to cite something particular we talked about in the course of our conversation— whether a shared hobby or business interest— that serves as a mental reminder of who I am.

You might follow the e-mail up with a LinkedIn request if you see they use the site.Depending on the circumstances and how well we clicked, I might send a Facebook request as well. There are some people who are cagey about using Facebook for work contacts, so I’m always careful to give them an easy out: “If you use Facebook for new friends, I’d love to connect here. If not, no worries— I’ll be in touch.”

When I leave the meeting, I put the name and e-mail address of the new acquaintance in my contact list and program my calendar to remind me in a month’s time to drop the person another e-mail, just to keep in touch.

“It was great talking to you over lunch yesterday. I wanted to follow up with some thoughts we discussed yesterday. I believe Ferrazzi Greenlight can serve the interests of your company, and I’ve had time to work out the finer details. The next time I’m in town, I’d love to get on your calendar and chat for five or ten minutes.”

But remember— and this is critical— don’t remind them of what they can do for you; instead,focus on what you might be able to do for them. It’s about giving them a reason to want to follow up.Another effective way to follow up is to forward relevant articles to the people in your network who might be interested.When people do this for me, I’m tremendously appreciative; it shows they’re thinking about me and the issues I’m facing.

Here are a few more reminders of what to include in your follow-ups:
• Always express your gratitude.
• Be sure to include an item of interest from your meeting or conversation— a joke or a shared moment of humor.
• Reaffirm whatever commitments you both made— going both ways.
• Be brief and to the point.
• Always address the thank-you note to the person by name.
• Use e-mail and snail mail. The combination adds a personalized touch.
• After e-mailing, send requests to connect through social media.
• Timeliness is key. Send them as soon as possible after the meeting or interview.
• Many people wait until the holidays to say thank you or reach out. Why wait? Your follow-ups will be timelier, more appropriate, and certainly better remembered.
• Don’t forget to follow up with those who have acted as the go-between for you and someone else. Let the original referrer know how the conversation went, and express your appreciation for their help.

8. Be a Conference Commando
Don’t just be an attendee; be a conference commando!

8.1 Help the Organizer (Better Yet, Be the Organizer)
I like to call these people a few months ahead of the event and say, “I’m really looking forward to the conference you’re putting together. I’m interested in helping make this year be the best year ever, and I’m willing to devote a chunk of my resources— be it time, creativity, or connections— to make this year’s event a smash hit. How can I help?”

8.2 Listen. Better Yet, Speak
As a speaker at a conference, you have a special status, making meeting people much easier. Attendees expect you to reach out and greet them. They, in turn, give you respect that they don’t accord their fellow attendees. Instant credibility and faux fame is bestowed upon you when you’re on a stage (and pretty much any stage, at that).

What if you are at a conference and you’re not a speaker? There are other places to distinguish yourself. Remember, you’re not there just to learn new things from other people— you’re there to meet others and have others meet and remember you.When sessions open up for questions, try and be among the first people to put your hand in the air.A really well-formed and insightful question is a mini-opportunity to get seen by the entire audience.Be sure to introduce yourself, tell people what company you work for, what you do, and then ask a question that leaves the audience buzzing. Ideally, the question should be related to your expertise so you have something to say when someone comes up and says, “That was an interesting question.”

8.3 Organize a Conference Within a Conference

8.4 Draft Off a Big Kahuna
Check the convention program for the names of luminaries and key figures. Make those the sessions you attend. Arrive early at events where they’ll be speaking. Stand near key entrances or registration tables. Be ready to introduce yourself, or stay behind for a quick chance to meet them. You must remember to talk with speakers before they’ve hit the stage.

8.5 Be an Information Hub
Go beyond just memorizing the conference’s brochure. Identify information the people around you would like to know, and come prepared. This might include information about trade gossip, the best local restaurants, private parties, etc. Pass key information along, or let others know how they can obtain it. This role does not end with the networking event, of course. As an information resource, you’re someone always worth knowing.

8.6 Become a Reporter
Take pictures of the people you meet and the parties and sessions you attend— both for tweeting and to help you remember. Take notes on everything, and when the event is over, whip it all into a story or a photo series for posting on your blog, e-mailing to people you met, pushing out through Facebook, etc. Pro tip: Don’t wait until two weeks after the conference. Do it on the plane home and get it out immediately so that it gets to people while they’re still fresh from the conference high.

8.7 Master the Deep Bump
Most people think a conference is a good time to market their wares. They rush from room to room desperately trying to sell themselves. But a commando knows that you have to get people to like you first.The sales come later— in the follow-up discussions you have after the conference. Now is the time to begin to build trust and a relationship.

8.8 Know Your Targets
As he walked by, I got his attention. “Mr. Diller, my name is Keith Ferrazzi. I work for Barry Sternlicht as his CMO at Starwood. He’s mentioned before that you and I should talk, and I thought I’d just make the introduction myself. I know you’re busy, but I’m wondering if I can call your office and arrange a time to meet with you when we get back home?” Pause— during which he responded, “Sure, call my New York office.” “Great, I wanted to talk to you about a number of ideas I have about your business, but I’ve also admired your career and the pioneering work you’ve done for a long time.”

8.9 Breaks Are No Time to Take a Break

8.10 Follow Up
An example of a follow-up email:Hey Carla, Wow, what a fun time. I didn’t expect tequila shots to be a part of the Forbes CIO conference. We definitely have to make this an annual occurrence. Hey, I also wanted to follow up with our discussion on your marketing strategy and your interest in the Ferrazzi Greenlight loyalty strategy work we’ve done as a way to help reach your adult women demographic. When can you do a call this week, or at your leisure? Also, I wanted to say that I heard no fewer than three separate people talk about your session and what a great speaker you were. Congrats! Best, Keith

8.11 It’s the People, Not the Speakers
Even when the speaker is interesting, the mentality is the same: It’s always about the people.

8.12 Don’t act like:
the wallflower 不要躲在角落
the ankle hugger 不要太热情，而是collect as many follow-ups as you can
the celebrity hound 不一定要认识最出名的那个人
the smarmy eye darter 不要太奉承 If you spend only thirty seconds with someone, make it thirty seconds of warmth and sincerity.
the card dispenser : This person gloats over the number of contacts he’s made. In reality, he’s created nothing more valuable than a phone book with people’s names and numbers to cold-call.


9. Connecting with Connectors
Personal contacts are the key to opening doors - not such a revolutionary idea.


10. Expanding Your Circle
The most efficient way to enlarge and tap the full potential of your circle of friends is to connect your circle with someone else's. If you are sharing someone else's circle of friends, be sure that you adequately acknowledge the person who ushered you into this new world. NEVER forget the person who brought you to the dance.

11. The Art of Small Talk
When it comes to making an impression, differentiation is the name of the game. And vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.
Of course, there are always fail-safe conversation starters suitable for every business function: How did you get started in your business? What do you enjoy most about your profession? Tell me about some of the challenges of your job? But safety— whether in conversation, business, or life— generally produces “safe” (read: boring) results.
The real winners are those people who put it all out there and don’t waste a bunch of time and energy trying to be something (or someone) they’re not. Charm is simply a matter of being yourself. Your uniqueness is your power.

11. 1 Learn the Power of Nonverbal Cues
How do you get someone who doesn’t know you to feel comfortable talking?
• First, give the person a hearty smile. It says, “I’m approachable.”
• Maintain a good balance of eye contact. Somewhere between 70 and 100% is the balance you’re looking for.
• Unfold your arms and relax.
• Nod your head and lean in, but without invading the other person’s space.
• Learn to touch people. My favorite way to break through the distance between the person I’m trying to establish a bond with and me is to touch the other person’s elbow.

11.2 Be Sincere
Whether you spend five seconds or five hours with a new contact or acquaintance, make the time count. Eye darters are a party staple. Frankly, it’s a disgusting habit, and one that’s sure to put off those around you.

11.3 Develop Conversational Currency
When meeting someone new, be prepared to have something to say. Keep up with current events. Cultivate some niche interest. A single narrow specialty (cooking, golf, gardening) for which you have passion will have surprising expansive powers.

11.4 Adjust Your Johari Window
Successful communication depends, according to the model, on the degree to which we can align ourselves and our windows to match those we interact with.

One helpful technique I use is to try to envision myself as a mirror to the person with whom I’m speaking. What’s the cadence of her speech? How loudly does she talk? What’s her body language? By adjusting your behavior to mirror the person you are talking to, he’ll automatically feel more comfortable.

11.5 Make a Graceful Exit
How do you conclude a conversation? During meetings and social gatherings, I’m often quite blunt. I’ll mention something meaningful that was said in the course of our conversation and say, “There are so many wonderful people here tonight; I’d feel remiss if I didn’t at least try to get to know a few more of them. Would you excuse me for a second?” People generally understand, and appreciate the honesty. There’s also always the drink option. I’ll say: “I’m going to get another drink. Would you like one?” If they say no, I don’t have an obligation to come back. If they say yes, I’ll be sure to enter into another conversation on my way to the bar. When I return with a drink, I’ll say, “I just ran into some people you should meet. Come on over.”

11.6 Until We Meet Again
In order to establish a lasting connection, small talk needs to end on an invitation to continue the relationship. Be complementary and establish a verbal agreement to meet again, even if it’s not business. “You really seem to know your wines. I’ve enjoyed tapping your wisdom; we should get together sometime to talk about wine. We can both bring one of our more interesting bottles.”

11.7 Learn to Listen
Take the initiative and be the first person to say hello. This demonstrates confidence and immediately shows your interest in the other person. When the conversation starts, don’t interrupt. Show empathy and understanding by nodding your head and involving your whole body in engaging the person you’re talking with. Ask questions that demonstrate (sincerely) that you believe the other person’s opinion is particularly worth seeking out. Focus on his triumphs. Laugh at his jokes. And always, always, remember the other person’s name. Nothing is sweeter to someone’s ears than his own name.At the moment of introduction, I visually attach a person’s name to his face. Seconds later, I’ll repeat his name to make sure I got it, and then again periodically throughout the conversation.

chapter 18 Health, Wealth, and Children
The only way to get people to do anything is to recognize their importance and thereby make them feel important. Every person’s deepest lifelong desire is to be significant and to be recognized. What better way is there to show appreciation and to lavish praise on others than to take an interest in who they are and what their mission is?

There are three things in this world that engender deep emotional bonds between people. They are health, wealth, and children.

When you help someone through a health issue, positively impact someone’s personal wealth, or take a sincere interest in their children, you engender life-bonding loyalty. Sometimes, all it requires is taking an interest and providing emotional support.

Have you helped someone lose weight by passing on a good diet? Have you found a particular vitamin or supplement that has helped you and passed it on to others? These may seem like little things. But with these three issues, health and diet included, the little things mean everything.

Where do you start? You start with the philosophy, the worldview, that every human is an opportunity to help and be helped. The rest— whether it means helping with someone’s health, wealth, children, or any other unsatisfied desires— follows from that.

Chapter 19 Social Arbitrage
I usually love taking calls asking for favors when time allows, because I’m able to play confidante, counselor, or even concierge for so many different people. I’m constantly introducing two people from different parts of my life who might benefit from knowing each other. It’s a sort of ongoing puzzle, matching up the right people and the right opportunities. Once you, too, start to see the world this way, it opens up exciting opportunities. It’s both rewarding and fun.

Real power comes from being indispensable. Indispensability comes from being a switchboard, parceling out as much information, contacts, and goodwill to as many people— in as many different worlds— as possible.

The ability to bridge different worlds, and even different people within the same profession, is a key attribute in managers who are paid better and promoted faster.

Performing social arbitrage when your financial and relational resources are thin is actually not too big a hurdle. The solution is knowledge, one of the most valuable currencies in social arbitrage. The ability to distribute knowledge in a network is a fairly easy skill to learn. So easy, in fact, you should get started today.

You can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other people’s success than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in your own success.

Chapter 20 Pinging- All the Time
One way I’ve found to make maintaining my network of contacts, colleagues, and friends easier is to create a rating system for the network that corresponds to how often I reach out. First, I divide my network into five general categories: Under “Personal,” I include my good friends and social acquaintances. Because I’m generally in contact with these people organically, I don’t include them on a contact list. The relationship is established, and when we talk, it’s as if we’d been in touch every day. “Customers” and “Prospects” are self-explanatory. “Important Business Associates” is reserved for people I’m actively involved with professionally. “Aspirational Contacts,” I list people I’d like to get to know, or I’ve met briefly (which is anyone from your boss’s boss to a worthy celebrity) and would like to establish a better relationship with.

After reading the chapter on taking names, you’ve probably already begun to segment and categorize your network in a way that works for you— there is no standard method here. Create a segmentation that works for you and your objectives. This is a good habit and one that deserves repeating.

The question now is, How often do you contact each person on the list? I use a pretty simple system, but there’s no reason you can’t improve upon it. I’ll go down my master list and add the numbers 1, 2, or 3 next to each name. A “1” gets contacted at least each month. This means I’m actively involved with the person, whether it’s a friend or a new business associate. With new relationships, a “1” generally means I have yet to solidify the relationship with at least three different orms of communication. Each time I reach out to a person, I like to include a very short note next to their name telling me the last time I contacted them and how. If last month I sent an e-mail saying hello to a potential customer rated “1,” this month I’ll give a call. Also, contacts designated “1” I add to my cell phone’s Favorites list. It allows me quick reference and an easy way to get in touch fast. If I have a free moment in a cab, I’ll just go down my Favorites and make several calls or send texts to keep in touch with people I’ve not spoken to recently.

A “2” rating indicates my “touch base” people. These are either casual acquaintances or people whom I already know well. They get a quarterly call or e-mail, and I monitor their social media updates to keep up with their news and find opportunities where I can be useful. I try to include these people in occasional mass e-mails about my business. And like the rest of my network, they get either an annual holiday card or a birthday call.

Those people rated “3” are people I don’t know well, who, because of time and circumstance, I’m unable to devote any significant energy to pinging. These people are strictly acquaintances, people I’ve met in passing but who have found their way into my address book. I hope to reach this group, in some direct way, at least once a year. The surprising thing about this category is that, because you don’t know the person all that well, when you do reach out with a card or e-mail, the reaction is wonderful.

Example: “Hi, Jan. Just landed in New York and it made me think of you. No time to meet this trip, but I just wanted to touch base.”

For people important to my career or business, I tend to favor the value-add ping. Here I’m trying to provide something of value in my communication, recognizing when someone I know gets a promotion, or the company he or she runs has a good financial quarter, or he or she has a child. I also like to send relevant articles, short notes of advice, or other small tokens that convey that I am paying attention to what’s important to them and am eager to help.

My personal favorite pinging occasion remains birthdays. It used to be that as you got older, the people around you started forgetting your big day (mostly because they think they want to forget their own). Now that anyone active in social media receives ubiquitous reminders, most of us wake up to a hearty, network-wide congratulations on our public profiles on our birthdays. It’s honestly heartwarming— all that quantity feels good. But we still want quality, too, although people are quick to deny it.

Chapter 21 Find Anchor Tenants and Feed Them
Nearly once a month an array of different people from different worlds gathers at my home in Los Angeles or hotel suite in New York or a friend’s home in San Francisco to have fun, talk business, and meet new people. But I learned the art of throwing these events back in my dingy Cambridge apartment. Before my dinner parties had any cachet, I had to develop a deliberate strategy for attracting a good mix of people that would expand my social horizons and get a reputation that would keep people coming back.

Generally, when you invite someone to dinner, you get a 20 to 30 percent acceptance rate because of scheduling difficulties. When invitees say they cannot come because of another dinner or engagement, I often suggest they come before the dinner for drinks and appetizers, or even after, for dessert and drinks. These “bonus guests” will arrive a little before dinner has concluded. I’ll have folding chairs at the ready so they can pull up next to the dinner table, have dessert, and chat with the guests. Just when most dinner parties tend to slip and people begin to look at their watches thinking about what time they have to get up in the morning, the energy level spikes with a whole new group. Suddenly, the dinner turns raucous again.

You see, there’s only one real rule to these get-togethers: Have fun. All right, there are a few other rules that might help you along the way. Among them:
1. Create a theme.
2. Use invitations.
3. Don’t be a kitchen slave.
4. Create atmosphere.
5. Forget being formal.
6. Don’t seat couples together.
7. Relax.
After an event, send your thanks along with a few photos and party highlights around via e-mail (“ Bcc” ing everyone) or a private link. This friendly follow-up helps to pour water on all the seeds of connection planted at the event, and prompts your guests to do their own follow-up. They’ll be thankful!

Chapter 22 Tap the Fringe
Who refuse the notion that the two concepts must be mutually exclusive— have a small core of very strong, intimate relationships and a large, diverse network from which they can pull the resources, information, and people they require to address unexpected needs.

Most of my social media time I reserve for moments that would otherwise be unproductive— planes, trains, and automobiles. These are the same little snatches of time I use for pinging.

Chapter 23 Become the King of Content
You don’t have to go the “shock and awe” route to build yourself a trusting audience. But you do need to find your own version of authentic, value-based content that is uniquely you, and infused with GVAC— my shorthand for those critical traits generosity, vulnerability, accountability, and candor.

Join Conversations Before You Start Them 不用自己先发起话题 可以先加入别人话题

Every Headline Is a Pitch
Again, if you believe your content has value for people (and that should be your first rule of content), generosity means thinking carefully about how to make that value immediately clear. Otherwise, people will pass it by. Think about e-mail. When you send a message, you know how important it is— to you. But to the person on the other end, it’s just one of dozens he or she has received that day, with nothing to distinguish it, except one thing, if you do it right: the subject line.

Become Your Own Editor in Chief
Consistency helps readers engage. That’s why you should think like an editor when feeding your online outposts. Create an editorial schedule of what kind of content you’ll post and when, and you’ll quickly find that providing some structure to your efforts makes it a lot easier to be accountable to your plans to communicate through social media.

People are desperate for authenticity. Everywhere you look today there’s someone lying about something, some organization glossing over the truth, some person not telling it like it is. There’s a scarcity of the authentic in our culture. “So many people are liars: they lie to themselves, they lie to their friends, they lie to their lovers, clients, customers, colleagues, that if you become the one in a thousand that is truly honest, then you will stand out,” writes Altucher. “And when you stand out you will find success. You will find money. You will find happiness. You will find health.”

Chapter 24 Engineering Serendipity
Consider spending time in other cities or even countries as an investment in your career. Attend conferences, which are terrific for serendipity not only because they bring together diverse groups of people around a similar interest, but also because all those people are there for the same reason— to meet new people and learn new things. They are in a mind-set that invites serendipity.

If you plan your whole life, by definition you can’t get lucky. So you have to leave that little slot open.

You can design your own life to maximize serendipity, with a little awareness. You’ll have to leave time on your schedule for things that in the moment may seem so far removed from your immediate goals that they seem silly— a trip to the park, coffee with an old classmate, going left when you would normally go right. Say yes to new experiences when you would normally say no.

Chapter 25 Be Interesting
How can you talk to people when they have nothing to say? How can you offer your company or your network anything of value if you have not thought about how you want to stand out and differentiate yourself in building that relationship?

There’s no better way to learn something, and become an expert at it, than to have to teach it.

In short, forget your job title and forget your job description (for the moment, at least). Starting today, you’ve got to figure out what exceptional expertise you’re going to master that will provide real value to your network and your company.

I’d apply the 80/ 20 rule, in that you should spend some time getting better at your weaknesses but really focus on building your strengths.

Don’t get discouraged.
 
“How does my content help others answer who they are, where they are from, and where they are going?”

Forget bullet points and slide shows. When you’ve figured out what your content is, tell an inspiring story that will propel your friends and associates into action with spirit and fearlessness, motivated and mobilized by your simple but profound storytelling.



Chapter 28 Getting Close to Power

Nonprofit Boards
Start out by finding four or five issues that are important to you and then support them locally. Successful nonprofits seek out a few famous people to sit on their boards to help them get publicity. Eventually, the goal is to become a board member yourself and sit side by side with these people. But be sure you care and indeed want to help the cause.

Whether it’s golf, tennis, bowling, or boot camp, the idea is to make it communal— join a league, a club, or an event, and you’re bound to meet some new, exciting people.

You’re a star in your own right, with your own accomplishments, and you have a whole lot to give to the world.

Chapter 29 Build it and they will come
Even a Harvard MBA or an invitation to Davos is no substitute for personal initiative. If you can’t find an outfit to join that allows you to make a difference, then recognize what you do have to offer— your particular expertise, contacts, interests, or experience. Rally people behind them and make your own difference.

CHAPTER 30 Never Give In to Hubris
Looking back now, I’m appreciative of the experience. I learned some valuable lessons.

For one, I had to begin the journey to change my leadership style. It wasn’t enough to get things done. You had to get things done and make the people around you feel involved, and not just part of the process but part of the leadership. I learned that commitments weren’t commitments unless everyone involved knew what was on the table with absolute clarity. I learned how truly small the world is, especially the world of the rich and powerful.

Most important, I learned that arrogance is a disease that can betray you into forgetting your real friends and why they’re so important. Even with the best of intentions, too much hubris will stir up other people’s ire and their desire to put you in your place. So remember, in your hike up the mountain, be humble. Help others up the mountain along with and before you. Never let the prospect of a more powerful or famous acquaintance make you lose sight of the fact that the most valuable connections you have are those you’ve already made at all levels.

CHAPTER 31 Find Mentors, Find Mentees. Repeat
Mentoring is a very deliberate activity that requires people to check their ego at the door, hold back from resenting other people’s success, and consciously strive to build beneficial relationships whenever the opportunity arises. Other interns at that party looked at Pat and the other senior partners with intimidation and boredom (What do I have in common with them?) and therefore kept their distance. They looked at their job titles versus the bigwigs’ and felt excluded, and because of it, they were.

The best way to approach utility is to give help first, and not ask for it. If there is someone whose knowledge you need, find a way to be of use to that person. Consider their needs and how you can assist them. If you can’t help them specifically, perhaps you can contribute to their charity, company, or community.

If young folks are going to get my help, and they haven’t even offered their help in return, then at minimum they should attempt to endear themselves to me. Tell me why you’re special. Tell me what we have in common. Express gratitude, excitement, and passion.

It’s not enough simply to reach out to others; instead, we all must be vigilant that our efforts to bring people together are in line with our efforts to, in part, make the world a better place.

Of course, when you’re driven by principles, there are always sacrifices involved. But your determination to connect with others should never come at the expense of your values. In fact, your network of colleagues and friends, if chosen wisely, can help you fight for causes you believe in.

CHAPTER 32 Balance Is B.S.
When you’re out of balance, you’ll know because you’ll be rushed, angry, and unfulfilled. When you’re balanced, you’ll be joyful, enthusiastic, and full of gratitude.

Try to save time by eating our lunches at our desk? We have less serendipitous conversations with colleagues, strangers, and other “nonessentials” at the watercooler.

People tell us, “If you just get more organized, if you strike a balance between work and home, and limit yourself to the important people in your life, you’ll feel better.” That’s just totally misguided. What they should be saying is “I gotta get a life filled with people I love.” The problem, as I see it, isn’t what you’re working on, it’s whom you’re working with. You can’t feel in love with your life if you hate your work; and, more times than not, people don’t love their work because they work with people they don’t like. Connecting with others doubles and triples your opportunities to meet with people who can lead to a new and exciting job.

Oscar Wilde once suggested that if people did what they loved, it would feel as if they never worked a day in their life. If your life is filled with people you care about and who care for you, why concern yourself with “balancing” anything at all?

CHAPTER 33 Welcome to the Connected Age

Remember that love, reciprocity, and knowledge are not like bank accounts that grow smaller as you use them. Creativity begets more creativity, money begets more money, knowledge begets more knowledge, more friends beget more friends, success begets even more success. Most important, giving begets giving. At no time in history has this law of abundance been more apparent than in this connected age where the world increasingly functions in accord with networking principles.

Wherever you are in life right now, and whatever you know, is a result of the ideas, experiences, and people you have interacted with in your life, whether in person, through books and music, e-mail, or culture. There is no score to keep when abundance leads to even more abundance. So make a decision that from this day forward you will start making the contacts and accumulating the knowledge, experiences, and people to help you achieve your goals.

But first be honest with yourself. How much time are you ready to spend on reaching out and giving before you get? How many mentors do you have? How many people have you mentored? What do you love to do? How do you want to live? Whom do you want to be part of your quilt?

From my own experience, I can tell you the answers will come as a surprise. What’s important probably won’t come down to a job, a company, or a cool new piece of technology. It will come down to people. It’s up to each of us, working together with people we love, to make the world a world we want to live in. As the anthropologist Margaret Mead once said, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”