A Book Recommended by My Father - Old but Classy
When my father first recommended this book to me, I thought it was merely one of the thousands of self-help books on the market. And I was right. It was. But just as some stories never grow old, some theory/mindset/rule/whatever-you-call-it will remain its gloss after decades and be passed down in various forms yet staying essentially the same. This is because time has not obliterated its value but rather proved it with abundance of examples.
Something once told by our seniors may sound cliche at the first glance, but can surprisingly come ease our pain at times. The content of this book works the same for me. Some sentences from the chapters that I already forgot can still strike me up when I am lost; like the right sentence you read off the Bible that gives you the right dose of elixir which changes every fact in your life.
In terms of the chapters layout and the content rearrangement I do think the author can do a better job given that some of the content seems to be repetitive of itself. Yet being one of the early-written self-help books in the market, it definitely sheds light on a lot of the theories we still hold on to as qualities of a successful person's, except this also seems to be one of the few shortcomings of the book's to me that is it seemingly has a rather narrow definition of success, which is to grow big, to gain fame, respect and money. But this can again be understood as it might be somewhat that was highly emphasised and defined back in late 20th century when the book was written. One of the highlights about this book is that it always has a few conclusive paragraphs or charts to act as a re-cap for the chapter which works magic for someone who can easily lose track like me.
Anyway, here in sequence are a few sentences I pick from the book that touch me deeply.
* Preface
"Great men are those who see that thoughts rule the world."
* Chapter 1. Believe you can succeed and you will
"When you believe I-can-do-it, the how-to-do-it develops."
"They learn how successful people approach problems and make decisions. They observe the attitudes of successful people."
"The Okay-I-will-give-it-a-try-but-I-don't-think-it-will-work" attitude produces failures. Disbelief is negative power. When the mind disbelieves or doubts, the mind attracts 'reasons' to support the disbelief. Doubt, disbelief, the subconscious will to fail, the not really wanting to succeed, is responsible for most failures."
"We need from every man who aspires to leadership - for himself and his company - a determination to undertake a personal program of self-development. Nobody is going to order a man to develop."
"But it is not one-tenth as fascinating as watching yourself respond to your own carefully administered thought management program."
* Chapter 2. Cure yourself of excusitis, the failure disease
"But the fellow who has gone nowhere and has no plans for getting anywhere always has a bookful of reasons to explain why. Persons with mediocre accomplishments are quick to explain why they haven't, why they don't, why they can't, and why they aren't."
"To cure health excusitis:
1. refuse to talk about your health
2. refuse to worry about your health
3. be genuinely grateful that your health is as good as it is
4. remind yourself often, 'it's better to wear out than rust out' "
"To cure brain excusitis:
1. never underestimate your own intelligence, and never overestimate the intelligence of others
2. remind yourself several times daily, 'my attitudes are more important than my intelligence'
3. remember that the ability to think is of much greater value than the ability to memorize facts"
"Knowledge is only potential power. Knowledge is power only when put to use - and then only when the use made of it is constructive."
"The ability to know how to get information is more important than using the mind as a garage for facts."
"To cure age excusitis:
1. look at your age positively
2. compute how much productive time you have left
3. invest future time in doing what you really want to do
4. there is no such thing as luck. What we call an accident is the result of human or mechanical failure, or a combination of both"
"Conquer luck excusitis:
1. accept the law of cause and effect
2. don't be a wishful thinker. don't waste your mental muscles dreaming of an effortless way to win success."
* Chapter 3. Build confidence and destroy fear
"Worry, tension, embarrassment, panic all stem from mismanaged, negative imagination."
"Fear stops people from capitalizing on opportunity; fear wears down physical vitality; fear actually makes people sick, causes organic difficulties, shortens life; fear closes your mouth when you want to speak."
"Action cures fear. Indecision, postponement, on the other hand, fertilize fear."
"To cure fear:
1. isolate your fear. pin it down. determine exactly what you are afraid of.
2. then take action. there is some kind of action for any kind of fear. hesitation only enlarges the fear."
"Two specific things to do to build confidence through efficient management of your memory bank:
1. deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank;
2. withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank."
"Here are two ways to put people into proper perspective:
1. get a balanced view of the other fellow; every human being is; you are important, too;
2. develop an understanding attitude."
"There is within each of us a desire to be right, think right, and act right. When we go against that desire we put a cancer in our conscience. This cancer grows and grows by eating away at our confidence. Avoid doing anything that will cause you to ask yourself, 'will I get caught? will they find out? will I get way with it?' "
"When we do what is known to be wrong, two negative things happen. First, we feel guilt and this guilt eats away confidence. Second, other people sooner or later find out and lose confidence in us."
"Five confidence building exercises:
1. be a front seater
2. practice making eye contact; looking the other person in the eye tells him that I am honest and above board, I believe in what I am telling you and I am not afraid --> <How to Talk with Anyone> has a better elaboration on how to make a good eye contact
3. walk 25 percent faster
4. practice speaking up
5. smile big"
* Chapter 4. How to think big
"How big we think determines the size of our accomplishments."
"Probably the greatest human weakness is self-deprecation - that is, selling oneself short."
"Big thinkers are specialists in creating positive, forward-looking, optimistic pictures in their own minds and in the minds of others. To think big we must use words and phrases which produce big, positive mental images."
"Four ways to develop big thinker's vocabulary:
1. use big, positive, cheerful words and phrases to describe how you feel
2. use bright, cheerful, favorable words and phrases to describe other people
3. use positive language to encourage others. compliment people personally at every opportunity
4. use positive words to outline plans to others "
"Look at things not as they are, but as they can be. Visualization adds value to everything. A big thinker always visualizes what can be done in the future. He isn't stuck with the present."
"Value adding practices:
1. practise adding value to things
2. practise adding value to people
3. practise adding value to yourself "
"Help yourself think beyond trivialities:
1. keep your eyes focused on the big objective
2. ask 'is it really important?'
3. don't fall into the triviality trap, concentrate on important things"
* Chapter 5. How to think and dream creatively
"Believe, and you will start thinking constructively."
"Ways to develop creative power:
1. Become receptive to ideas
2. Be an experimental person. break up fixed routines. expose yourself to new restaurants, new books, new theatres, new friends; take a different route to work some days, take a different vacation this year, do something new and different this weekend
3. be progressive, not regressive. 'how can I improve the quality of performance? how can I do better?' "
"It isn't so much what you know when you start that matters. It's what you learn and put to use after you open your doors that counts most."
"Top success is reserved for I-can-do-it-better person."
"Capacity is a state of mind. how much we can do depends on how much we think we can do."
"Do what you do better (improve the quality of your output) and do more of what you do (increase the quantity of your output)."
"Big people monopolize the listening. Small people monopolize the talking."
"We learn nothing from telling. But there is no limit to what we can learn by asking and listening."
"To strengthen your creativity through asking and listening:
1. encourage others to talk; you win a double-barreled victory: your mind soaks up raw material which you can use to produce creative thought and you win friends
2. test your own views in the form of questions. let other people help you smooth and polish your ideas. use the what-do-you-think-of-this-suggestion approach. don't be dogmatic, and don't announce a fresh idea as if it were handed down on a gold tablet
3. concentrate on what the other person says. so often people pretend to listen when they aren't listening at all. They are just waiting for the other person to pause so they can take over with the talking."
"Ways to get mental stimulation:
1. join and meet regularly with at least one professional group that provides stimulation in your own occupational area; remember, a mind that feeds only on itself is soon undernourished, becoming weak and incapable of creative, progressive thought
2. join and participate in at least one group outside your occupational interests; association with people who have different job interests broadens your thinking and helps you to see the big picture"
"Use three ways to harness and develop your ideas:
1. don't let your ideas escape, write them down
2. review your ideas, get rid of those that have no value at all
3. cultivate and fertilize your ideas, an idea written or in some sort of picture or diagram form has many times more selling power than the idea presented only in oral form"
* Chapter 6. You are what you think you are
"To gain respect of others, you must first think you deserve respect."
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"Look important because it helps you to think important; your physical exterior affects your mental interior. How you look on the outside affects how you think and feel on the inside."
"The better you are packaged, the more public acceptance you will receive."
"A person's appearance definitely talks.The well-dressed person's appearance says positive things. It tells people, 'Here is an important person: intelligent, prosperous, and dependable. This man can be looked up to, admired, trusted. He respects himself and I respect him.' "
"Pay twice as much and buy half as many. Reasons:
1. Your garments will last more than twice as long because they are more than twice as good
2. What you buy will stay in style longer, better clothing always does
3. You will get better advice "
"Look your best and you will think and act your best."
-------------------------------------------------work----------------------------------------------
"Think you're weak, think you lack what it takes, think you will lose, think you are second-class, think this way and you are doomed to mediocrity."
"Whether it be food preferences, mannerisms, religious and political views, or any other type of behavior, the child is a living reflection of how his parents or guardians think; for he learns through imitation."
"And so do adults! People continue to imitate others throughout life. And they imitate their leaders and supervisors; their thoughts and actions are influenced by these people."
"The way we think about our jobs determines how our subordinates think toward their jobs."
"Two suggestions for getting others to do more for you:
1. always show positive attitudes toward your job so that your subordinates will 'pick up' right thinking
2. as you approach your job each day, ask yourself, 'am I worthy in every respect of being imitated? are all my habits such that I would be glad to see them in my subordinates?' "
"To be on top, you've got to feel like you're on top. Give yourself a pep talk and discover how much bigger and stronger you feel."
"tell yourself, 'I am going to give a great talk. I've got something those people need to hear and i want to say', keep repeating those sentences forcefully with complete conviction."
"The moral: practise uplifting self-praise. Don't practise belittling self-punishment."
"The half-alive person needs to be resold on himself. He needs to realize that he's a first-class person. He needs honest, sincere belief in himself."
"'Now I realize that I've got what it takes to win and I'm winning. And I'm always going to win. Here's how to build your 'sell yourself to yourself' commercial:
1. select your assets, your points of superiority. ask yourself, 'what are my best qualities?' don't be shy in describing yourself.
2. put these points down on paper in your own words.
3. practise your commercial out loud in private at least once a day.
4. read your commercial silently several times everyday. read it every time you feel down."
"A lot of people, maybe even a majority, may 'ho ho' at this success-rewarding technique. That's because they refuse to believe that success comes from managed thinking."
* Chapter 7. Manage your environment: go first class
"Mind food is your environment - all the countless things which influence your conscious and subconscious thought. The kind of mind food we consume determines our habits, attitudes, personality. Each of us inherited a certain capacity to develop. But how much of that capacity we have developed and the way we have developed that capacity depends on the kind of mind food we've been fed."
"More importantly, the size of your thinking, your goals, your attitudes, your very personality is formed by your environment. Prolonged association with negative people makes us think negatively; close contact with petty individuals develops petty habits in us. On the bright side, companionship with people with big ideas raises the level of our thinking; close contact with ambitious people gives us ambition."
"How we think is directly affected by the group we're in. Be sure you're in the flock that thinks right. Cling to people who think progressively. Move upward with them."
"Make it a rule to seek advice from people who know. There's a lot of incorrect thinking that successful people are inaccessible. The plain truth is that they are not. As a rule, it's the more successful people who are the most humble and ready to help."
"Many executives today never employ persons for key jobs without first interviewing the fellow's wife."
"Wrapped up, John's weekends are planned. Many refreshing activities keep boredom locked out. John got plenty of psychological sunshine...John and Milton may be on the same level today, but there will gradually be a wide gap between them in the months ahead, with John in the lead position."
"But those of us who know will explain that much of the difference in job performance is the result of the difference in the mind food consumed by the two fellows."
"A few simple do's to make your social environment first class:
1. Do circulate in new groups. Your success-building program requires that you become an expert in understanding people. Try to learn all there is to know about people by studying one small group is like trying to master mathematics by reading one short book. Make new friends, join new organizations, enlarge your social orbit. Then too, variety in people, like variety in anything else, adds spice to life and gives it a broader dimension. It's good mind food.
2. Do select friends who have views different from your own. In this modern age, the narrow individual hasn't much future. Responsibility and position of importance gravitate to the person who is able to see both sides.
3. Do select friends who stand above petty, unimportant things."
"be environment-conscious, make your environment work for you not against you."
"do not let small-thinking people hold your back, get your advice from successful people."
"get plenty of psychological sunshine."
"go first class in everything you do."
* Chapter 8. Make your attitudes your allies
"When our attitude is right, our abilities reach a maximum of effectiveness and good results inevitably follow."
"Grow the three attitudes:
1. I'm activated
To activate others, to get them to be enthusiastic, you must first be enthusiastic yourself.
(1) dig into it deeper; to get enthusiasm about anything - people, places, things - dig into it deeper
Use the dig-into-it-deeper technique to develop enthusiasm toward other people. Find out all you can about another person - what he does, his family, his background, his ideas and ambitions - and you'll find your interests and enthusiasm toward him mounting. Keep digging and you're certain to find some common interests. Keep digging and you'll eventually discover a fascinating person.
There's one way to build enthusiasm toward a new location. Simply resolve to dig into the new community. Learn all you can about it. Mix with the people. Make yourself feel and think like a community citizen from the very first day. Do this, and you'll be enthusiastic about your new environment.
(2) in everything you do, lift it up
When you make a habit of coloring your words with sincere feelings you'll notice a great uptake in your ability to hold attention.
People go along with the fellow who believes what he says. Say it with life. Put vitality into your speaking.
(3) broadcast good news
Good news does more than get attention; good news pleases people. Good news develops enthusiasm. Good news even promotes good digestion.
How we feel, in large part, is determined by how we think we feel. Remember, too, that other people want to be around alive, enthusiastic people. Being around complainers and half-dead people is uncomfortable.
Transmit good news to people you work with. Give the encouragement, compliment them at every opportunity. Tel them about the positive things the company is doing. Listen to their problems. Be helpful. Encourage people and win their support. Pat them on the back for the job they're doing. Give them hope. Let them know you believe they can succeed, that you have faith in them.
A salesman friend is a real good-news broadcaster.
2. You are important
(1) people do more for you when you make them feel important; make someone feel important and he cares about you. And when he cares about you, he does more for you.
(2) practise appreciation with a warm, sincere smile; practise appreciation by letting others know how you depend on them, an earnest 'Jim, I don't know what we'd do without you'; complement people on little things, their appearances, the way they do their routine work, their ideas, their loyal efforts; don't waste time or mental energy trying to classify people as 'very important', or 'unimportant persons'; call people by name
(3) don't hog glory, invest them instead; invest the praise you receive from your superior. Pass praise on down to your subordinates where it will encourage still greater performance
3. Service first
Giving customers extra service is a money seed because it brings customers back; advancing a new idea that will increase efficiency is a money seed. "
* Chapter 9. Think right toward people
"Success depends on the support of other people. The only hurdle between you and what you want to be is the support of others."
"We are lifted to higher levels by those who know us as likeable, personable individuals."
"10 rules by President Lyndon Johnson:
1. learn to remember names
2. be a comfortable person so there is no strain in being with you
3. acquire the quality of relaxed easy-going so that things do not ruffle you
4. don't be egotistical
5. cultivate the quality of being interesting so people will get something of value from their association with you
6. study to get the "scratchy" elements out of your personality, even those of which you may be unconscious
7. sincerely attempt to heal, on an honest Christian basis, every mis-understanding you have had or now have
8. practise liking people until you learn to do so genuinely
9. never miss an opportunity to say a word of congratulation upon anyone's achievement, or express sympathy in sorrow or disappointment
10. give spiritual strength to people, and they will give genuine affection to you"
"Big people, those on top in industry, the arts, sciences, and politics are human, warm. They specialize in being likeable."
"6 ways to win friends by exercising just a little initiative:
1. introduce yourself to others at every possible opportunity - at parties, meetings, on airplanes at work, everywhere
2. be sure the other person gets your name straight
3. be sure you can pronounce the other person's name the way he pronounces it
4. write down the other person's name
5. drop a personal note or make a phone call to the new friends you feel you want to know better
6. say pleasant things to strangers. it warms you up and gets you ready for the task ahead."
"Almost without exception, the more successful the person, the more he practises conversation generosity, that is, he encourages the other person to talk about himself, his views, his accomplishments, his family, his job, his problems."
"1. conversation generosity wins friends
2. conversation generosity helps you learn more about people"
* Chapter 10. Get the action habit
"Mr. Activationist is a doer. He takes action, gets things done,, follows through on ideas and plans. Mr. Passivationist is a don'ter. He postpones doing things until he has proved he shouldn't or can't do them or until it's too late."
"To wait for the perfect condition is to wait forever."
"The longer you lie there and think how unpleasant it will be to get up, the more difficult it becomes."
"1. use the mechanical way to accomplish simple but sometimes unpleasant business and household chores. rather think about the unpleasant features of the task, jump right in and get going tiwhout a lot of deliberation.
2. next, use the mechanical way to create ideas, map out plans, solve problems and do other work that requires top mental performance. rather than wait for the spirit to move you, sit down and move your spirit."
"John College didn't get into action because he spent too much time getting ready to get into action."
* Chapter 11. How to turn defeat into victory
"These people who lead every branch of our society have experienced every tough situation you can describe. The one thing you can't match them on is their response to defeat."
"Mr. Success reacted differently when he got knocked down. He bounced up, learned a lesson, forgot the beating, and moved upward."
"When setback hits us personally, our first impulse is often to become so emotionally upset that we fail to learn a lesson. Professors know that a student's reaction to a failing grade provides a clue to his success potential."
"Defeat is only a state of mind, and nothing more."
"Be constructively self-critical. Don't run away from inadequacies. Be like the real professionals. They seek our their faults and weaknesses, then correct them. That's what makes them professionals."
"Don't, of course, try to find your faults so you can say to yourself, 'Here's another reason I'm a loser.' Instead view your mistakes as 'Here's another way to make me a bigger winner.' "
"The great Elbert Hubbard once said, 'A failure is a man who has blundered but is not able to cash in on the experience.' "
"Have the courage to be your own constructive critic. Seek our our faults and weaknesses and then correct them."
"Blend persistence with experimentation. Stay with your goal but don't beat your head against a stone wall. Try new approaches. Experiment."
* Chapter 12. Use goals to help you grow
"A goal is more than a dream; it's a dream being acted upon. A goal is more than hazy 'Oh I wish I could.' A goal is a clear 'This is what I'm working toward.' "
"Each of us can learn a precious lesson from the forward-looking business. We can and should plan at least 10 years ahead. You must form an image now of the person you want to be 10 years from now if you are to become that image."
"The individual that fails to set long-range goals will most certainly be just another person lost in life's shuffle. Without goals we cannot grow."
"Two steps that will help your forward planning:
1. visualize your future in terms of three departments: work, home, and social
2. demand of yourself clear, precise answers to these questions: what do I want to accomplish with my life? what do I want to be? and what does it take to satisfy me? "
"People these days are measured by the size of their dreams. No one accomplishes more than he sets out to accomplish. So visualize a big future!"
"Five weapons to murder desire:
1. Self-depreciation
2. Security-itis
3. Competition
4. Parental dictation
5. Family responsibility"
"Successful people have their eyes focuses on a goal and this provides energy. Goals give you specific directions in all your activities. To accomplish something, we must plan to accomplish something."
"On occasion all of us have woken up on Saturday morning with no plans, no agenda either mental or written which spells out what we're going to do. On days like that we accomplish next to nothing. We aimlessly drift through the day, glad when it's finally over. But when we face the day with a plan, we get things done."
"The quickest way to the end is to retire and do nothing. Every human being must keep an interest in life just to keep living."
"The step-by-step method is the only intelligent way to attain any objective."
"Take detours in stride. A detour simply means another route. It should never mean surrendering the goal."
* Chapter 13. How to think like a leader
"1. trade mind with people you want to influence
2. think: what is the human way to handle this; always put other people first
3. think progress, believe in progress, push for progress
4. take time out to confer with yourself "