The Art of Loving and Appreciating Others
2012-01-22
[ 全书笔记 ]
PART ONE Fundamental techniques in handling people
1. If you want to gather honey, don’t kick off the beehive
- When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
- God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.
- Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
2. The big secret of dealing with people – give honest and sincere appreciation
- Everybody likes a compliment. The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated
- I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people, the greatest asset I process, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want
PART TWO Six ways to make people like you
1.You can make more frds in two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.
- Greet everyone you know
- if we want to make frds, let's put ourselves out to do things for other people -- things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness.
2. Make a good first impression
- Smile, a real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile that comes from within, the kind of simle that will bring a good price in the mktplace
3. Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Become a conversationalist
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
5. How to interest people
- the royal road to a person's heart is to talk about the things he or she treasures most
- talk in terms of the other person's interests
6. Make people like you instant
- Always make the other person feel important -- and do it sincerely.
PART THREE How to win people the way of your thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, “You are wrong."
- If you are going to prove anything, don't let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel that you are doing it.
- You cannot reach a man anything; you can only help him to find it within himself.
3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. The sercret of Socrates - Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
- Did he tell people they were wrong? no. he was far too adroit for that. His whole techinique, now called the "Socrates method," was based upon getting a "yes, yes" response. He asked questions with which his opponent would have to agree. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on winning one admission after another until he had an armful of yeses. He kept on asking questions until finally, almost w/o realizing it, his opponents found themselves embracing a conclusion they would have bitterly denied a few minutes previously.
- He who treads softly goes far.
6. The safety valve in handling complaints - let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. How to get cooperation - let the other peson feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. A formula that will work wonders for you - try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view
9. What everybody wants - be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
- individuals who are inclined to chisel will in most cases react favorably if you make them feel that you consider them honest, upright and fair.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. When nothing works, throw down a challenge.
- The way to get things done, is competition. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes footraces and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feelig of importance.
PART FOUR Be a leader: how to change people w/o giving offense or arousing resentment
1. If you must find fault, begin with praise and honest appreciation
2. How to criticize -- and not be hated for it: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
- instead of "xxx, but...", we do "xxx, and ..."
3. Talk about you own mistakes first
4. No one likes to take orders – ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
You might consider this.
Do you think that would work? What do you think of this? Maybe if we were to phrase it this way it would be better.
5. Let the other person save face
6. Spur people on to success – praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- show respect
8. Make the fault seem easy to correct – use encouragement
keep praising the things and minimize the errors
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
- Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.
- know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.
- be empathetic. ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.
- Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest
- Match those benefits to the other person's wants
- When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.
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