To know myself

The major reason I read this book is because of a TED talk given by the author of this book. I was really touched by one of her talk: The power of Vulnerability, and that talk really drove me to think about myself and my life.

I am a person with all kinds of fears: fear that I am not good enough, fear that I would achieve nothing in the end, fear that I will be rejected (although it always happens), fear that people will look down on me, and fear that I am not a good fit for the society. Anyways, many fears. These fears, on one hand, to a certain degree, stimulate me to improve myself all the time (even writing this article, it’s that I want to improve my writing). On the other hand, however, it deprives many joys and adventurous spirit of life. Let me give you an example of doing research. I often times find myself afraid of taking any new directions and always worrying about doing something new (even I have to). Why? Because of my vulnerability where I feel I have a great chance to fail, or what I think is piece of shit. I know these fears stop me from wholehearted living and a better me.

These fears origin from the feeling of shame, according to Brené Brown. I feel shamed when I am told I can do better, I feel shamed when I am rejected, I feel shamed when people look down to me, and I feel shamed if I am not the fit of the society. Shame is like a really bad desire that suck away all of my worthiness, and I want to do my best to fulfill it. What do I gain? It will grow bigger, and I lose myself even more. So on and so forth.

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.”

Some people may find this type of book boring, because it’s all about “what-to-do” if you briefly read it. For me, it is more like a self-awakening experience. It’s like writing about my own feeling and value toward myself, life, and world. I feel the “opposite of wholehearted living” is so like me. But, the first step to change is to realize what we actually think and then do something to change, right?

Actually, I really like the practices the author does when she feels bad (let me put this way). They teach me how to calm down and get refueled in a better way.

So, I would recommend this book for people who are raised in this culture but somehow feel doubted if that’s really the value of life we should establish.

BTW, the writing itself is quite good: smooth and beautiful.